Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Honest post

To be honest, I've been feeling embarassed of my baby bump. To be more honest, I haven't been enjoying being pregnant. Most women I know who have kids told me that being pregnant is the most magical and happiest of times. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about having a baby but I just wasn't liking the changes in my body and feeling insecure. I keep saying "I want to skip the pregnancy and pop the baby out already!". A big part of it is my weak hip and back pain, but I still feel like I'm a bad selfish mom. I've been seeing a prenatal chiropractor the past 5 weeks and it's helped a ton and my attitude about pregnancy is a bit more positive now. I don't mind that much anymore when random people just touch my belly without asking. I don't mind wearing something that shows the bump. I'm trying to be more relaxed about my pregnancy and let things go. Maybe you are having an easier time with your pregnancy? Everyone's different and it's all good. ♥

67 comments:

Rebekka Seale said...

I am not just saying this to make you feel better...but, oh my goodness...you are one of the cutest pregnant ladies I have EVER seen!!!!

galatea. said...

you are allowed to sometimes feel a bit selfish, it's your body and you've never experienced all this before- so i can understand why it feels totally weird for you x i had a friend that also said random people would touch her belly! it's so funny how that's almost natural for people to do. congratulations on your pregnancy, would love to see the baby later down the line xx

Angela Lee said...

Any and all feelings that you have about being pregnant are not only valid but sooo common. It's a big change for anyone. Magical? Yes at times, but c'mon I threw up for 4 months straight, that ain't magical. Hope you are feeling better and getting plenty of sleep. Take care of your back and hip at all costs and realize you are going to be a great mom.
All the best to you.

Norbyah said...

don't worry, jeana. honesty is good. pregnancy (and childbirth) is a different experience for everyone. as women, we should all try to support each other, not make one another feel inadequate or guilty. (believe me, the guilt part of motherhood stays....) so, take heart. you'll get through it.

by the way, you do look absolutely adorable.

xo
n

joanna said...

you look so beautiful, sweet jeana. and i think it's perfectly normal to have all those feelings! love you so much. xo

joanna said...

you look so beautiful, sweet jeana. and i think it's perfectly normal to have all those feelings! love you so much. xo

regina carter said...

you look beautiful and thats a fact!!!

Anonymous said...

I am a huge fan of your blogs and tend to follow quietly and not comment. Chronic pain takes a toll on anyone's outlook on life. I am sure that is not helping your feelings being pregnant. Rest assured you are beautiful and your voice comes through in the same lovely way it always has. And you will be a great mom. I hope it gets better for you. Acupuncture might help too...

NeonRaine said...

I wouldn't worry about it too much, everybody feels differently about everything! My mum hated being pregnant. She hated the fact that she suddenly had no control over her body anymore. Honesty is good! You shoudln't feel bad about it :).

silvia said...

i had a terrible time during my pregnancy, but tried really hard everyday to stay positive about the changes in my body and changes the in my life even though i felt like puking and crying the whole time. ;) i was even going to ask you if you can take some photos of me when i felt the most bloated and gross. hehe

you look beautiful jeana, take good care of your back.

Anonymous said...

Neither did I enjoy being pregnant. Do not know what is so magical about huge baby bump, being tired, nausea, vomiting, back pain, and hick ups (in 3rd trimester). Besides, I worked the whole pregnancy... So, you are not alone. Sandy

flaming hag folkwear said...

i've been following for a while, but i don't think i've ever commented...
i didn't adore being pregnant, either. did the women who call pregnancy the most magical, happiest time also find that high school were the best days of their lives? i don't know, different strokes for different folks. i know moms who love love love the baby stage and find it harder to cope with older kids, as well as moms who feel exactly the opposite.
the best, most useful thing i have learned about parenthood (and life, really) is to be a little easier on yourself. let go of expectations. all you can do is your best. try to relax. it's one hell of a ride, and if nothing else, it's almost always a really funny story in retrospect :)
take care.

amelia said...

Awwww I love your bump and I love you!!!!

iluvchewy said...

Dear Jeana,

I love your blog! I also didn't enjoy pregnancy and I felt so guilty for NOT enjoying it! I had nausea and throwing up for the first 5 months, and then hated feeling big and bloated towards the end. I kept saying, "why do women say they love this??". But, when the baby comes you do forget a lot of it but the symptoms of pregnancy remain if you breastfeed. Be careful of your back when lifting a heavy baby, the hormone relaxin remains in your system for up to a year after you stop breastfeeding and makes it easier to hurt yourself. I have thrown out my back a few times.
But, I hope you feel better! When you have the baby in your arms, it will all be worth it!

Kazuko said...

you're the most adorable pregnant woman. and i do believe that being a "bad selfish mom" from time to time is actually not a bad thing - also for the kids in the end. wishing you all the best (and can't wait for the first baby pics) :)

Julia said...

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and I FEEL THE SAME! I had hip surgery in December and then realisez I was pregnant so it was impossible for my hip to recover and now the pain is there, everyday and gets worse as the baby grows.

Don't get me wrong, having this baby is a good thing I'm happy but I hope pregnancy didn't last 40 weeks!!

Anonymous said...

i have two kids, and it is the best thing in the world. but i hated being pregnant. i found it unpleasant not having your body too yourself. always worried that all is ok with the baby, but not sure as you can't look in. honestly, i was also embarrassed about putting on so much weight. i put on a lot of weight. i know, it's stupid, i mean, i was pregnant. but i felt self conscious. also hated people just touching without asking. but as we know, it all totaly worth while.

sylvie sourit said...

Thank you. I heard to much women who say their pregnacy was magical.
When I was pregnant (twice), I felt fat, sick, ugly.
But it was wonderful when I met my sons. The birth was very natural and my love for them too !
http://lapensionmermonts.blogspot.fr/2012/02/de-la-meme-taille.html

Annton Beate Schmidt said...

this post is brilliant and as one can see in the responses, well needed. there is no way, you should feel bad or guilty. you are going to be an amazing mum, as you're honest and brave!

lavelle said...

Congratulations! x

Miss Cris said...

I feel like this is a completely normal feeling for some expecting mothers and you shouldn't feel bad at all.
I think you're looking fab right now and I just adore those sandals :D

sk said...

You look great! I am also pregnant, about 25 weeks, and I feel your pain :) I think I officially passed the "cute" stage and now I'm just plain 'ole big and clunky. I'm trying to embrace it, because I don't know if I'll be pregnant again. I also have been having lots of hip/back pain and seeing a chiropractor (hasn't helped) and a craniosacral massage therapist (possibly helping). Here's to making it through these last few months and feeling great about it!

C. said...

Oooh I HATED being pregnant! I couldn't find a single thing that felt 'magical' about it, other than the gorgeous little girl that screamed at me when she arrived, all purple and squishy.

It doesn't last forever (even though it feels like it will). Just try to enjoy the little things along the way, like the little kicks or the way they lazily roll from one side to the next. This is the last time in your life you will get to be completely selfish, and you are totally entitled to it. Xo.

lamandahugnkiss said...

Aw. You look beautiful.

jenny gordy said...

You're probably being more honest than most people. I'm afraid I'm going to feel the same way as you if I get pregnant someday. You're not a selfish mom, you're a strong mom for going through this for your baby!

courtney said...

I completely agree. I didn't enjoy being pregnant with either of my boys. I didn't like the way I looked in any of my clothes, and it felt like an invasion of my privacy to unwittingly share such an intimate detail of my life with complete strangers. I prefer to blend in to a crowd, and I was really uncomfortable with the way people stared. Hang in there, Jeana. And for what it's worth--you look so, so pretty.

Heather Taylor said...

Poopie, i love your honesty post! You look so beautiful and I don't think you are selfish at all.

Megan Taylor said...

Jeana! Your baby bump is absolutely adorable and you look beautiful!!! I can't wait to see you soon. Lots of love!! xoSissy

Anonymous said...

We're at 28 weeks now and are expecting our first baby boy, too. I feel the same way! I've been dressing to hide the bump and so far have gotten away with it. Can't wait to meet him but I want my body back.

cara. said...

aw, i think at varying degrees, all mothers to be go through this. especially the first time around. and i think it's part of the process of becoming a parent, is slowly having to shed yourself. which isn't always fun. (: or at all. and give yourself a giant amount of credit. your body is going through so many changes, even hormonally. it may take a while for everything emotionally to sync together physically. it all happens so fast. which is both terrifying and glorious. you look beautiful. but from my experience, just like every other "stage" a woman's body goes through, the trick is relishing in that before you enter into the new stage (: you're doing great. keep going.

shisomama said...

You shouldn't feel guilty, since everyone experiences pregnancy differently. I threw up every day for 9 unhappy months with my first, and still looked and felt huge. There will be so many things that you might feel guilty about later on, especially in terms of finding time and space for yourself and feeling selfish, so take good care of yourself!

Hope your pregnancy gets better!

Ameesha Lee said...

I have felt the same way during my pregnancy but I'm starting to feel more positive about my body & really appreciating what amazing things it can do. Us women are pretty incredible if you ask me!

Alas, I am struggling a bit with summer outfits, trying to accommodate not only the belly bump but the other two ones above it that also keep growing...yikes!

Anonymous said...

You look so cute. Congratulations!!

Sasha said...

you look beautiful with your baby bump!

Alicia said...

Hi Jeana,
I love to read you, and when I read this post, I felt I have to comment.

I gave birth to my daughter in January. I didn't like being pregnant...I didn't like putting on so much weight, feeling heavy and uncomfortable all day long.
Now, four monthes after, I don't feel my old self because I haven't succed in losing all the weight I gained.
I love my baby girl, she is the most precious person I know, I love having this baby but the process wasn't an experience I'd love to live again.

And about persons touching your belly without asking...I felt like I was only a body, a carier. Like everything that counted was the baby.

But I garantee that when your baby is here, you forget everything that happened.
The pain, the exhaustion and all that.

I'm really sorry for my poor english, I'm french :)

You are a very beautiful pregnant woman for all I see.

dana said...

지나언니.. 언니 블로그 초창기때보던 팬인데요. :) 맘 편히 가지시고 예쁜 생각만 하세요. ㅎㅎ baby bump있어도 여전히 날씬날씬, 부러워요.

Kathleen said...

All pregnancies are different - don't yourself a hard time for not finding all of it magical! Much like parenting, it can be hard and sometimes different than what you expected (though totally worth it in the end). I'm still friends with my prenatal chiropractor 2 years after the birth of my son, because she was so awesome.

Anonymous said...

I completely relate! I had always been small-breasted, and for the first few months of pregnancy I was enamored of my new big boobs. But then I quickly started to find them annoying and embarrassing. Such strange, unexpected things we learn about our bodies!
And here's another "honest" warning from a mother who adores her child beyond anything: It doesn't immediately and magically switch from unpleasant pregnancy to euphoric motherhood after birth. It can take a while to get to know your baby. S/he is a stranger that you may not overwhelmingly love and appreciate right away, especially if you're exhausted, if breastfeeding hurts, or some other reality of new motherhood. Don't feel guilty or selfish if that happens. It's natural. Being comfortable with motherhood (whatever that will mean for you) will come in its own time. Be open to the natural course of your relationship with your child and trust that it WILL take the shape it was meant to.

Inhae said...

Jeana, you look natural and gorgeous. Though your body is going through some changes, your style nicely compliments it.

erica said...

i loved how i looked and bounced back immediately with no.1. no. 2 was tough. physically and emotionally. gaining twice as much weight plus everything else made me embarrassed. there's a reason why there are so few posts with photos from no.2. and 6 weeks postpartum i'm still in pain and my body is, well, not what i expected. i'm pretty depressed and impatient. pregnancy is hard and it's ok to feel bad or selfish. but in the life of your child and in your life too, this is just a blip. it will be over so soon and there will be other challenges.. and some amazingly sweet moments.

grace said...

oh sweet, sweet jeana. this phase will pass i promise! most days i look my girls and think, "when's your mom gonna pick you guys up?" :) xx

Milena said...

Most women lie about all this, they make up these stories about the magical happy pregnancy, it is frustrating to say the least when you don't control your body, your appetite, when you are crazy from the hormones and all your bones and muscles hurt.
I am in my last month and this is my second pregnancy, I love my daughter to death but didn't enjoy the first pregnancy not enjoying this one either.
Be prepared to hear more lies about how without diet and exercise some women became stick figures and how 'magical' breastfeeding is?
Everyone has a different experience and it shouldn't make you feel bad, your feelings now don't validate your love for your child trust me you have a lifetime to love and give to this baby.

FleurLux said...

I admire you being so honest! I'm not saying this make you feel better, but you look so adorable and beautiful! I gotta say, you are one of the cutest preg ladies I've ever seen. You really know how to rock the little tummy, I hope I can too like you one day. xoxo

Wendy Withers said...

congratulation jeana! i didn't enjoy pregnancy either...then i experienced postpartum depression with both boys. it's all normal and part of motherhood. everyone has a different experience. embrace yours and know that, at some point, your little bundle will bring you joy beyond your wildest imagination. yay!!!

erica said...

milena--
hear hear! it took 3 months for breastfeeding to click the first time, and it hurt like heck. everyone included the la leche league people told me this was normal. it made me cry, it was painful and frustrating. i expected the same with no. 2. and then my awesome midwife saw me miserable at 7 days pp and re-latched the baby. the difference was amazing.

also, everyone says that the pounds melt away with breastfeeding. this isn't true! your body actually retains water and about 5-10 extra pounds. even though i was at my regular weight at 6 weeks pp with no. 1, my body held onto extra fat for 11 months. and yes, this was even with regular exercise

oh gee, i hope we aren't freaking you out, jeana! this is just to say, there's a lot that isn't talked about and should be (without judgment...ooh don't get me started on how judgy everyone is).

Anonymous said...

You look graceful and lovely --and so chic -- not that that changes how you feel, I guess, but you look enviously gorgeous in this pregnancy!

Anonymous said...

Sorry for my bad english -- you look *enviably* gorgeous, I meant to say -- (now embarrassed)

Kelley Anne said...

You shouldn't feel guilty or like a bad mom. Everyone's relationship to their bodies and their pregnancies is different. I'm due next week and although my pregnancy has been pretty easy physically, the attention that its created has made me very uncomfortable at times. I just don't like hearing strangers talk about my body and I'm looking forward to getting back to my usual size. Its interesting that people have been touching your belly, I haven't really encountered that although I read about it happening.

Anyway, good luck with the remainder of it and I hope the treatment continues to make you more comfortable. I love your blogs!

Maia said...

Mine is adopted, so we had two years of paperwork and stress to replace the nine months of physical changes. But I have a dear friend who absolutely hated being pregnant. Hated everything about it, and wasn't afraid to say so. Her daughter is eight now and they are a wonderful pair. Hormones are a b!tch, and you don't have to love being pregnant to love being a mother.

Maia said...

And btw you look gorgeous, so you can stop worrying about that part right now ;)

Libby said...

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! On the first day of our birthing class we were going around the room, introducing ourselves and telling about our experience with our pregnancy and I was very honest about the fact that I had not loved being pregnant. The woman that taught the class was in her 50's, had grown children and she looked and me and said "you don't have to love your pregnancy". It was the best thing. So here you go....you don't have to love your pregnancy. End of story. xo

katie hill said...

i didn't like being pregnant either. it's hard being uncomfortable, not having control of your body, and having to make so many sacrifices... but it is a good preparation for the sacrifice that is motherhood.

jsl said...

This process is so intense! Thanks for sharing your honest feelings with us. It is not all easy and all of us experience each part of it differently. Thanks for keeping it real. My pregnancy was amazing but I had a really hard time the first six weeks after baby was born. I was a total mess. Some people look so good and relaxed after the baby. We all experience this amazing, wonderful, magical, blessed and sometimes freaky process in unique ways. Only advice - be gentle with your self. You also happen to look wonderful! Love and peace, Jessica

Lisa Fyfe said...

I had a very uncomfortable pregnancy. I was nauseous the entire time. Plus I had to take the NYC subway everyday to work, the stress! I didn't like pregnancy either! I think a lot of women feel this way.

Clouds said...

I didn't enjoy being pregnant as well. I had horrid, HORRID back aches and couldn't do much about it despite daily massages from the (loving) husband. Also, I just felt so vulnerable because of my baby bump. I am naturally clumsy, so had to be extra careful when I was pregnant... just in case I hit my tummy or fell on the floor (I am prone to things like that). I remember telling my friends how I found it insane that some moms say that enjoyed being pregnant, WT..?

So yeah, you're not alone. On the plus side, after a few more months, you'll have a little one!! Then life will never be the same again and you'll wish he/she was back in your tummy so you can have some peace of mind! ;p

I am kidding. I have a little girl now and she's soooo cute I want to have a dozen more kids. (But only if I don't have to be pregnant again!)

Mode in Italy said...

I'm at 31 week of pregnancy and ALL your feelings about your body&co. are mine!!!
(My latest post is so similar at yours...)

Luisa said...

Jeana, I felt the EXACT same way. Crazy nonstop nausea, then the body changes, the neverending back and pelvic pain, and exhaustion - it was all just too much. I had a few weeks around weeks 30-34 where I suddenly felt great and thought "this is pretty nice!" Hope you get that feeling too, at some point, but if you don't, no biggie! The nice thing is: there's an end-date... :) That's what I'm holding on to now that I'm 37.5 weeks and the first stretch marks (nooooo!) have appeared! Hang in there. x

Beatrice Valenzuela said...

My sweetest Jeana Sohn! I think it's so courageous of you to be honest to yourself and in a way you ARE already a mom. Motherhood has all kinds of colors and moments. You are such a beautiful woman and I know that you will love it once you are holding that little warm baby in your arms. Losta love!

Christina Elaine said...

I hear you ! I hated every minute of both pregnancies and survived by Berlin chiropractor and car io sacral massage. I love being a mom and absolutely hate pregnancy!

Xd

elisabeth said...

I think a lot of women "remember" enjoying pregnancy after it's over. You don't hear it as much from ladies that are in the midst of being pregnant.
When I see pregnant women I get so nostalgic, but honestly when I think about it, I felt a lot like you.

Anonymous said...

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Lagelle said...

Wow I commend you for being brace enough to express your true thoughts on pregnancy. I have 2 beautiful daughters and my 1st pregnancy was not too bad but the 2nd was awful! I got through it but it's difficult to keep your feelings/emotions inside when you are not feeling like the rest of the women who experience an amazing pregnancy. With that said I hope you enjoy the rest of pregnancy and have a healthy baby <3

Tye
http://www.lagelledailydose.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I felt exactly the same way in the early stage of pregnancy - I hated people touching my belly and others announcing my pregnant state to strangers. I was embarrassed about my early bump, but as it grew I grew more comfortable with it. I never wanted to make a big deal about being pregnant, perhaps because it was in fact easy and natural to me - I didn't get sick or get too huge, so I just wanted to be my normal without any fuss.

Rachelle said...

I've never being pregnant but I can understand how it might be hard to see your body change like that. but in all honesty you look freaking adorable.
xo
Rachelle
http://pinksole.com

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Anonymous said...

haha, catching up on your posts. I hated being pregnant! Three times! Hated every minute of it including delivery. Just give me a stork, will you? haha I think people who say they enjoy it are trying to convince themselves that what is an extremely unpleasant event--hint: in the Bible it's called a CURSE--is actually a lovely walk in the park. It isn't. And the more people are honest about such things the better life would be. Also, bears aren't cuddly. And the world--and many people--are not "all good." Life is scary. Being brave doesn't mean we have to be dishonest. Oh boy. Off my soapbox now.